Over the last couple of months I started referring to my husband as an emotional vampire. Being on the other end of his manipulations for his own personal gain and pleasure, was emotionally draining unlike anything I have ever experienced.
I began to close myself off emotionally to him, as much as I was able and I immediately saw the change taking place in his personality. I began to act stoic and unmoved by his bad behavior and pity parties. My tone was matter of fact and would not show him any sympathy for the mess he has caused. I knew this was the only way to break free from him and believed it was working. Once he couldn’t elicit a perennial stream of drama and emotion from me over the hurt and sorrow he had caused, he started to retract. His phone calls became fewer; although, just as draining for me, they were transforming before my ears. Definitely not the man that needed constant attention from me, so much so, he could not close the car door and walk away before my phone would be ringing and his nonstop phone calls would begin. He could not be alone with himself for even a minute.
He became even more indifferent, cold and aloof in every conversation. Much like you were talking to an unlikable telemarketer and not to the spouse you have declared your undying love for. Even though he would say “I love you and I miss you,” the words were empty with no feeling. He showed no emotion, or affect; like an empty shell.
This is the exact opposite behavior you would expect in this situation. If two people separate because of one person’s lying and abusive behavior, there is usually an attempt to fix the situation by whatever means necessary by the guilty party. At least, that’s what my experience has been with abusive men. But not at all in this case. There is NO empathy, no sorrow, no missing me, nothing. Just a mouth full of empty meaningless chatter. He doesn’t even seem to be trying to convince me anymore. As my daughter has suggested, he has realized that he cannot win here and is giving me up to find a new source of supply. And all this from a man that is currently living at the homeless shelter. My sane mind wonders, “how low do you have to go before you feel sorry?”
A narcissist NEEDS to have the attention they so crave for. They will go to great lengths to get that fix. When my husband’s phone calls grew fewer and fewer I knew he was getting his supply from some other source and I was soon to be tossed aside and forgotten.
That should be a good thing right? And it is…. for my protection, sanity and the well being of my children, but there is another side to this nightmare. This is a man that I fell in love with. Drank tea with every day, shared a bed with, laughed with, walked with and made plans with. The love I have runs very deep for that false person I fell for and it is a torment I have never before known. I can’t get him out of my heart or head and I am desperately hoping it will get easier as the days pass.
I wake every day adjusting to the reality that I was just an object to be used for his personal gain and he has no feelings toward me. None. Whatsoever. That is a very hard pill to swallow. I walk through emotional hills and valleys daily and fall somewhere between, “I am loveable and have a lot to offer a sane person,” and “what is wrong with me, that he would not love me?” It is by no means an easy thing to understand the narcissistic personality. I could read on and on about it and never come to a full understanding of the Mack truck that has run me over. It is an enigma and I don’t know that I will ever fully recover from what has been stolen from me.